enlighten me

As to why I always blow it! Fuck. Why do I try so hard to be perfect and I simply can't be myself? UGHHHHHH.

I <3 american apparel.

That's right, I'm one of those. =) the sale was crazy today. Ran on three hours of sleep, four and a half hours of waiting in line in the scorching heat, and two hours of mauling through boxes of clothes for the best bargains of the season. Totally and utterly worth it, being that it was with my girls.

Ohhh, and a word from us all: you are only as strong as those around you decide to believe you are, based on your behavior. Without at least ONE person on your side, just know that YOU ARE NOTHING. We are all BEYOND OVER IT and you need to grow up and get over it too. Sleazy skeezy bitch.

People need to learn how to fight their own battles. Stop acting hard and wish the future fools in your life who are dumb enough to believe all your bullshit A GRAND GOOD LUCK. They'll need it with your act.

wow.

Uninterested.
Don't care.
You're old enough to decide what's good for you but if you're stupid enough not to, you deserve everything fucking you up right now.

Sorry. Tough love I guess.

screwed up.

What is God trying to tell me?

there's the guy who's perfect for me and makes me want to change. But won't make time for me, yet says he wants me.

And then there's the guy I've waited over a year for.

Who makes it to the grand finale?

I bet I'll lose in the end.

the

Only way to have a friend is to BE ONE.

liberated.

The day you told me how you really felt about me was the day you hurt me. But I've come to realize it is exactly what I needed to grow and let go. I will always love and support you, but there's only so much I can do before I am left hurt and alone in the end. I no longer argue because, sad to say, I've given up. I can only pray to God for you and hope that you are happy.

Give it to God.

I'm tired of trying to be in control of every aspect of my life, especially when it comes to guys. Whatever amazing man he wants to put in my life, I'll know.

And yes, a family that prays together stays together, but I believe my faith and trust in God will be enough for now.

Have a lovely jovely day.

oryyyy.

Where are you?
It's been six months
And Magdalena and I miss you.
Please come home.
(To DANCE, that is.)

twilight and evening bell,

And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;

For though from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crossed the bar."

Excerpt from Crossing the Bar, Alfred, Lord Tennyson

worth.

Will you be my best friend someday, please, and not just my summer love?

quiet.

Dearest Adelia Laguerta,

You wonder why I hate the name Ramos? You wonder why I don't want to sign my name to any stupid greeting cards anymore? There's simply one logical answer: those BITCHES are tearing this family apart. Plain and simple. However, I love you, flaws and all.


And to my LOVELY AUNTS AND UNCLES and the select children:

FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. You make me fucking sick. I hope you're happy with your selfish lives and I could care less WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU. Frankly, you are my inspirations of what I NEVER EVERRRR want to become nor what I want my family to ever become. I'm glad karma is slowly catching up to you.

Sincerely yours,

Ina Ramos Laguerta

P.S. It's astonishing how people can be raised in the same household, yet think so differently.

down.

And HANDLED.

dare not mistake me for a girl who is shy, unassertive, or doesn't go after what she wants. Yes, some things aren't meant to be. But I firmly believe that is only the case when you've done everything in your power to control your own destiny and God has different plans.

As for now, my worst fear is to become my own worst enemy: THAT girl who thinks with her heart, not her head; THAT girl who puts a guy over herself, over her friends, or over God; THAT girl who loses her morals; THAT girl who lets her guard down to let a guy in and gets her heartbroken. Call me naive and unprepared for heartbreak, but I guess it hasn't happened in so long, the brick wall I put up since then has turned to steel.

But on a lighter note, I'm pretty much floating on air. I like this boy. The end.

river.

I'll leave. Then it'll be too late.

And I'm not talking about suicide, friends, so don't worry.

sponsor.

I had a sober night and a lot of thinking to do and I realized... I can do this. I want to do this. I lovehate the feeling of people believing in me. However, I'm ready for my new life in San Francisco. Thank you and good night.


Ohh and to the future men in my life: I don't play games and I go after what I want, but I completely respect myself and don't lower my standards for anything or anyone. So come pursue me if you want a good woman. =)

limits.

8-10 shots of vodka is never a good idea when you're 5'1 and weigh 115 lbs. I'm tired of toilet hugging and passing out on the bathroom floor. And my drunken confessions get me in too much trouble. If you'd like to come over and massage my back and rid me of this massive hangover, call me.

sundaymorning.

this and all I am, I dedicate to my Lord, with love, hope, and dreams of second chances.

I want to be the old me again. The one who was secure with everything in her life. The one who didn't worry what other people thought about her. The one who didn't spend three hours in front of the mirror trying to be perfect. The one who didn't have to get drunk at a party to have fun. The one who didn't kiss guys she didn't know. The one who didn't yell at her mom. The one who didn't spend money every second. The one whose faith was never, ever shaken. The one who was fearless.

But I guess life teaches you how to not be naive. I want to be the new me. The one who's not secure with everything in her life, but is willing to take risks anyway. The one who hears what other people says about her and instead of worrying, laughs and walks away. The one who can still spend three hours in front of a mirror, but can walk out of the house looking like shit and still smile knowing she'll never be perfect. The one who doesn't need to get drunk at a party, but will drink anyway to hold her title "drunkorexic". ;) the one who didn't kiss guys she didn't know, but took it slow with the guy she actually liked. The one who didn't yell at her mom, but argued rationally with her best friend. The one who didn't spend money every second, but made free memories. The one whose faith was shaken, but returned to God in the end. The one who wasn't fearless, but was able to conquer them anyway.